Active Listening: Mastering Listening Skills

Are you hearing me? Are you listening? Do you even know what I just said?!”

After reading that short dialogue – who came to mind? Did your inner child reveal themselves and hear your nagging mother's voice? Were you triggered by a recent or ruminating argument with your partner? Maybe you recalled a time where a friend was annoyed by your distraction when they were attempting to get your attention. ... stunting your growth It may be.

What is ‘active listening’? It is fundamental to every valuable interaction we encounter. It is engaged, collaborating, reflective. Why’s it important? How may it specifically serve you? Mastering your listening can infiltrate and may improve every aspect of your social and personal life; moreover by lessening social anxiety (with superiors, bosses, in interviews); immediately lowering intensity during conflicts within intimate relationships, and repairing insecure barriers within those complex and challenging connections.

Follow these 7 Priceless Strategies to master your Professional, Personal and Intimate Connections Through Active Listening:

The ideal interaction goes a little something like this: message sender conveys an idea to recipient and the recipient receives the full message. Seems basic right? Unfortunately, there’s ample potential for disconnection within a message. We’re complex humans full of tainted life and beautiful experiences. Our nature inclines us to interpret based on bias. We often hear tone, selectively read words, and retort a response based on a misconstrued understanding. The idea here is that when you initially receive a message, you must take the time to digest and understand it for what it truly is. This is the groundwork for a respectful, productive conversation. Try it: Listen. Pause. Reflect. Respond. Repeat.

...and not in the way you think. Contrary to popular belief, silence isn’t always intended to be stoic, distancing, or awkward. Give time to process (back to the first technique). A relaxed stillness allows for emotions to take their course and remain present in that. Conflicts arise and conversations need to happen, but we don’t always need to understand or actively fix a vibe. Sometimes just being present does the trick. Try it: make the point to intentionally pause after an emotionally-charged statement. Over time gauge the appropriate length of this silence technique.

We’re speaking even when our lips aren’t moving. Non-verbal communication is key. When we’re genuinely attempting to hear someone out, it’s important to make eye contact, smile, maintain an open stance. Letting your person know you are present with your body language is an efficient way to communicate without having to find the right words. Try it: Mirror their body language to demonstrate that you are seeing and reading the sender of the message.

Be mindful of visual cues and your environment. Put your phone on mute and keep it out of sight. Limit stimulating and distracting energy. Try to find an inviting and comfortable space. Ensure it’s private where privacy is due. Shift spaces when necessary. Try it: Get outside. Nature is a natural mood-booster and may work to literally refresh an interaction.

(and focus on positive language). There is power in language – harness this in your use of words. As empowered individuals, our overall task is it empower others. Leaders lead by example. Our choice of words can serve as positive stores of treasure or as negative loops in our mind.

Focus on language, imagery, examples that are relatable on a deeper level and build that rapport. Bring inspiration and healing with your words whenever possible by avoiding negative criticism that may damage the connection.

This is arguably one of the hardest aspects of active listening and overall communication. Try this hack: develop a mental ‘word bank’ of positive and uplifting words or phrases that you can pull from at those crucial points in your conversations.

Utilize the key points of the message and rephrase them to make the message your own understanding. Avoid repetition here: use the process outlined in the first strategy to promote a deeper and accurate awareness. Try it: Reassure the sender of the message that you’ve not only heard what they’ve communicated, but you’ve connected their thoughts to your own. Paraphrase what they’ve said to suit your understanding.

Let’s be honest, the goal here is to establish or maintain a successful connection. This essentially entails having an open connection that provides better knowledge of your counterpart, as well as to be equally known and well-received by them. Avoid casting judgement upon others, as well as on yourself.

Don’t posture and protect to hide flaws that may complement this process – instead be open to honest mistakes and learning experiences. Try it: discover a negative, festering thought about an interaction and respond to it by rejecting it. It may help to say aloud, “this is a judgement, not a reality. I will not let this cancel our connection”. Be bold in reframing your thoughts and move forward.